I hate it here.

I'm officially going blind.  I can't even read text messages anymore.  Everything on my computer is zoomed to max.  The people I'm living with are now unbearable.  I can't take it much more.  I'm soon getting a check from an insurance thing relating to my mom's death.  When I get that I'm going to go see San Fran and move the fuck back home.  The people here are the epitome of retarded.  One is always making excuses for the other two and then blaming it all on a neutral party.  The neutral party not ever doing anything wrong and barely ever being in the way.  She's typically gone for most of the month helping her elderly mom out.  It's irritating hearing the stupid bitch that like to make excuses for everyone blame everything on her behind her back.  I flipped.  Before I moved here I thought that the neutral party was going to be the biggest bitch because Diana spoke so horribly of her.  Turns out Diana needs to keep her fucking mouth shut.  I've been trying to keep out of the way.  Been trying to be optimistic.  I can't take living in such an awful household anymore.  The people here except for said neutral party and my boyfriend are inconsiderate retards.  And one of them is a legitimate retard..  But is one that can do stuff just chooses to be the biggest douche bag in the world.  And his whore has the largest sense of self entitlement I've ever seen.  I'm seriously ready to punch them all in their toothless, mostly toothless, and fat retarded bitch faces.  They are awful people.  How can Jeremy's aunt be such a genuinely kind person and have a sister that is such a horrible fake that I want to punch and old lady in the face..  I don't think I've ever wanted to hurt an elderly person ever.  And I was one of the angriest teenagers that wanted to punch everyone in the face.  I had given up that angry lifestyle years ago.  But now I can't help but be angry all the time.  I hate this feeling but I can't make it go away.  So, I'm going to go away.  I don't want to feel this angry all the time.  That's all I guess.  I just really needed to vent since I just got done yelling at Diana for badmouthing Crystal again and again. 

8/09

        Jeremy and I were picking up medicine for his mom at Walgreen's and we found a baby penguin pillow pet for my large penguin pillow pet.  It's so cute that I had to get it.  Then we went to Winco to get ingredients for making chili.  I had planned to use my ground beef to make my sister's delicious version of shepherd's pie, but decided I wanted chili.  I hadn't made it in a long time.  It turned out really well though.  After cutting the habanero I stupidly itched the bridge of my nose, I figured it wasn't my eyes so it should be okay...  I was entirely wrong.  My eyes watered and the oils from the pepper went right into my left eye.  I don't think I've ever felt pain like that before.  The kitchen sink here is ghetto.  The faucet itself doesn't work, but the sprayer does.  It stings to spray your open eye with that alone, add the pepper oil and it's almost sickeningly painful.  I finally thought up the idea of filling a bowl with water and just soaking my whole face.  After a long time, almost a half hour, of dunking my head over and over, it finally stopped burning.  I found out something of interest though, if you keep your eye closed and just wish for it to go away you can cause permanent damage to your vision.  Luckily, after the initial shock, I started rinsing it out.  I had never experienced that before.  I'm usually pretty good about not itching my face while cutting hot peppers.  Annoying thing is before I started chopping I had contemplated putting on some vinyl gloves to prevent such an incident.  Needless to say, I put them on after that ordeal.

 This adorable creature almost gave me a heart attack earlier.  I had booted up this laptop and while I was closing some unnecessary programs, I happened to glance over just as Molly bit completely into my laptop charger, which is always plugged in due to poor battery life.  As she did that my computer completely lost all power and would not turn back on.  The only thing I could think of was that she shorted my laptop and that I was screwed.  There is no room for us to hook up a desktop anywhere in this hoarder's house.  After twenty minutes of crying and venting to my sister and father, still trying to turn it back on all the while, I thought to take out the battery and try starting it up.  It worked!  So I tried putting the battery back in and it's been running fine since.  I can typically deal without having a computer and internet.  But this place is very confining and incredibly boring.  I would be stuck watching Jeremy play video games all day, and I really don't have much fun doing that.

        I just downloaded a grammar checker because I'm a bit self conscious about my grammar usage, but it doesn't seem to be working.  Lame.  Growing up, I had switched schools very often and too often it was the same material I had been taught in English before.  Almost every school I attended only focused on vocabulary and spelling.  And all the schools had used the same vocabulary books.  So I often had to study the same exact book every year.  It was quite tedious.  And it made me fail the English part of the entrance exam at the community college.  I ended up having to take the remedial English class that didn't count for any credits.  I would have finished it that semester and been able to move on.  But I had to withdraw from school in the last few weeks due to horrible personal problems.  I was unintentionally pushed into going back to college the next semester but I could barely get up to go to class, or for anything.  I'm mostly over it now but once in a while, when I get too stressed, I relapse into not being able to do much of anything. 

        Enough of that, I haven't really done much yet today.  I washed and dried a few loads of laundry, did the dishes, watched a few episodes of 1000 Ways to Die.  I probably won't be leaving my room for a few more hours, when I have to cook dinner, being that there are the two idiots I wish to never see or hear.  My stress level has gone down rapidly since focusing more energy into ignoring their presence.  I had been literally, steadily going blind in both eyes for the past week or so.  I had gone to the hospital when it happened before.  They said it was caused by stress after a week of studying me.  It was quite awful.  Back then it was just a large black dot in my right eye.  This time it's in both eyes and it's several large dots in my right eye's line of sight and just one dot in the center.  They were completely black dots, but since my focusing on not stressing out, the dots have faded into a light fuzzy gray I can actually see through.  It is a little blurry but it is more manageable than it was the past week.  I was getting so irritable and snappy at Jeremy for no reason but my annoyance that I had let the others upset me to the point of going blind again.  I feel that in a few days the dots will be completely gone.  I just need to keep focusing on keeping my anger and thoughts in line.  I've actually been feeling pretty good lately, other than the vision.  I've also started taking fish oil, hoping that will help somehow.  I read that it helps regain brain function.  I have such a horrible memory.  I have this blog that I'm trying to update often mostly because of that.  If I don't update it often I literally can't remember half of what I had done the few days before.  I've also been wanting to get blueberries.  I had read another article about their properties of helping regain brain function as well.  It doesn't matter how active I keep my brain with reading and puzzle games, it still won't work how I want it to.  I'm trying to think of another way we could set up the bedroom so I could hook up my beloved Dance Dance Revolution so I can be more active in that way.  The streets around here are littered with homeless, junkies, and just people I don't want to walk past.  If it wasn't so annoying and gross just to drive down the street with all of that to view I would be fine with walking around the neighborhood.  But I'm not even comfortable leaving my room.  So that won't be happening anytime soon.  

        

        My boyfriend and I finished watching Tsukiyomi Moonphase.  It's about a young vampire girl who tries to make a dense 18ish year old man her slave.  It's a bit too lolli-con for my tastes.  But if you try to ignore the main female character it's a good anime.  We pretty much watched that all day.  After we woke up we went and bought KFC for dinner for ourselves and his mom.  Was good, I hadn't had it in a long time.  After that we watched American Ninja Warrior for a bit then Moonphase.  The day before yesterday was spent watching Hard Gay episodes and his wrestling matches on YouTube.  We were able to let the cats run around the whole house for the night.  It was great seeing how happy they were with exploring.  It really makes me sad that they have to be locked up in a bedroom most of the time. 

        I started keeping the bag of cat food and my large bag of wool for spinning on my camping chair for easier storage.  Sophie almost always sleeps on this chair and now with the added stuff, he tries to fit comfortably in the corner.  He's so cute.

        On Friday me and Jeremy took his mom to Hometown Buffet for her birthday.  She loves that place.  I wanted to try their shrimp specials..  They were okay.  I miss Red Lobster's all you can eat shrimp with my friend Jon. 

        I live a pretty unproductive life so I have nothing else I can think of to add.  So here's a picture of a cute Molly. 

What we think is one thing, how we handle it, is another.

Wheee.. Nothing of Interest.

        I really haven't done much in the amount of time I've been absent.  I played Catherine for the 360 for two of those days.  It is a really fun game.  I really enjoy puzzle games and the story is interesting.  I haven't read much of anything at all lately.  I played a bit of Angry Birds on my PSP, working on three starring everything is tedious.  While rummaging through boxes I found Tales of Genji which I am halfway through reading. 

        As of today, Molly has founf her new place of laying.  The back of my red and yellow camping chair.  She's constantly wobbling trying to balance herself on it. 

        Me and Jeremy got some Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizzas for dinner.  Hikage was eagerly following around and trying to get a crust.  We ended up giving him a small piece. 

          This is the lid to my Grandma's cow cookie jar..  I think it was her mom's at some point as well.  I inherited it from my mom.  Something happened to the jar itself, the bottom of it shattered.  It makes me quite sad.  It's a cute cow though. 

        A few days ago there was a bit of an argument between me and the whore that lives here.  Was a bit angering.  I spent well over an hour to two hours cleaning up her mess she left for me in the kitchen.  I went to bed and when I woke up people were telling me not to look at the kitchen.  She had made a worse mess than the day before.  The head of the household told me to leave it for her to clean.  So I waited three days.  She had managed to use literally ever dish in the house for one meal.  All the pots and pans, all the different sized plates and bowls.  It was the end of the third day and I said to the househead that I didn't think she was going to clean it while the moron was in the room next to me.  And the househead assured me she would clean it and I said sure the stupid bitch.  And the whore flipped on me.  Was I in the wrong to be angry, when I had spent over an hour cleaning her previous mess and woke up to a larger mess?  I felt justified, especially when it took her three days to get around to cleaning it.  But, whatever.  This household fails.  I honestly wish and hope that the whore and the retard that live here would die painful, agonizing deaths.  It would relieve all of the stress in this house, there would be literally no more drama.  I finally received my marriage certificate in the mail so I have an appointment to get my CA license tomorrow.  Then I have to find my title to my car and I can finally get myself a job that isn't IHSS bs.  Just a little bit longer and I can move out to my own place.

7/17/2011

        I didn't get to sleep until seven this morning.  Woke up around one stayed up for a few hours watching Jeremy still play Oblivion.  Then fell back asleep until it was time for me to make dinner for everyone.  I had done the dishes and it was two sinks full of dishes that were not mine or my boyfriend's or his mom's dirty dishes.  They all belonged to the ignorant lazy couple that live across the hallway.  Quite irritating.  I had the sinks clean and empty when I went to bed.  When I wake at one I go in the kitchen to have both sinks full again by the same two people who don't know how to clean up after themselves.  Jeremy's brother even had the nerve to complain about a knife that he had left on the counter being on the counter for a while he says.  It was HIS knife.  Why couldn't he put it in the sink.  Don't mouth off under your breath about something you were too lazy to do yourself because I won't clean up everything after you.  I seriously can't stand him or his whore.  His girlfriend had no desire originally to be his girlfriend until her grandma said she had to get a job or move out.  So she is suddenly in love with him and it's only for free internet, cable, and room.  All she has to do is sleep with him.  That is the definition of a whore.

It's Jeremy's Oblivion character, Ayda.

        Okay, now that the ranting is out of my mind a bit, I really didn't do anything today.  I will get back to reading Oliver Twist after this post.  Maybe I'll try to stay up and finish it.  We are waiting on Agarest Wars Zero to come in tomorrow and our house is placed strangely on the street.  Last time we had a delivery the person just left it on top of the trash can.  We were lucky it didn't get stolen.  I need to get us a P.O. Box.

The area Jeremy cleared out of the garage. 

        While I played some Zelda: Link to the Past and Puyo Puyo, Jeremy was clearing out a section in the garage so we can move our totes of our stuff into the garage and out of the living room.  The garage is stacked with so much random trash.  It's just trash.  If you haven't bothered to take it out of the garage for four years+ and have no clue what is in there just let us throw it out.  It's not like we'd throw out pictures or family mementos.  We just want to get rid of all the useless junk you will never use for the rest of your life.  There are at least a hundred VHS tapes that no one will ever watch again.  What is the point in keeping them?  And it's not like they are movie VHS's they are recorded off of TV tapes.  Typically nothing important.  And oh my.  You should see the amount of cassette tapes they have.  I don't know anyone who listens to cassette tapes anymore.  And I haven't seen a cassette tape player anywhere in this house yet.  But whatever.  This house is full of nonsense and retardation.  I can barely stand it.  As soon as I get my car registered, which will hopefully be within the next two weeks, I am finding a regular job and moving out as soon as I am able.

        Okay, I can't think of anything else for today.  Just going to go and read a bit.  I'm actually feeling kind of wiped out.  Might just go to bed soon.  I'll end this on a more cute note.  Look it's our ratties.  One is standing and the other is climbing like a ninja.  So cute.

7/16/2011

        I don't really remember when I woke up.  Jeremy played Oblivion for a good 90% of the day.  I still wasn't feeling all that great so we went to the grocery store down the street, because I wanted soup.  I got soup and milk.  I needed milk for my strawberry mix, it's the best.  I prepared taco stuff for everyone else for their dinner and I made myself two cans of chicken noodle.  Was very delicious too, the cats were going crazy for the leftover broth.

Hikage enjoying the broth.

Broth on Hikage's chin.

        After watching Jeremy play Oblivion for many hours I started to bore.  So I got back to reading Oliver Twist.  I had never read it as a child and have always wondered what it was about.  So far it seems to be the same type of rags to riches story I've read of Charles Dickens before.  Though maybe I'm remembering wrong and they were different authors but I'm almost sure of my memory on this.  When I was younger I had read tons of books, but they were all the abridged "Illustrated Classics".  So I've been wanting to reread a lot of the classics I had read years ago and read classics I haven't ever read.  This decision came about when a local bargain bookstore Jeremy frequented was closing shop.  They marked a lot of their books down to $2 a book.  So I bought two boxes worth of books, a lot of classics and some manga.

        I recently finished reading The Jungle by Upton Sinclair.  Now that was a depressing book.  It would start to be uplifting and then just drop again and again.  The poor guy never caught a break.  The version I had bought had left out the last paragraph as per Sinclair's wishes in the novel form, so the end-notes had stated and following the end-note had printed the actual last paragraph.  The book without the last paragraph made it a more uplifting hopeful book, with the actual ending paragraph made it feel like the guy should just give up on everything.

Spice drops, blue sharks, gummy bears, orange slices, sour gummy worms, gummy butterflies, gummy worms, Swedish fish, peach rings and sour patch kids.

        Okay, now that I've gotten that all out, after I read some and watched Jeremy play Oblivion some more, I had decided I wanted more gummies.  I finished a bag of gummy worms a week ago, thought I wouldn't want them for a while longer, but I really wanted gummies again.  So we went to Winco which has all sorts of gummies to scoop into bags.  And since we are not ones with self-control we went a little overboard.  Deliciously overboard.

        Being that he didn't eat much and I just had mostly broth soup and since I started to feel better we decided to go to Jack-in-the-Box.  I really prefer In-and-Out Burger's burgers, but the nearest one is an I-99 exit away.  So I'll settle for JITB.  So I gorged myself on delicious, horrible for me, fast foods.  I love that they have funnel cake there.  I always have to order one whenever I get food there.  It for some reason unbeknownst to me reminds me of my mom, and secondly, reminds me of the Jersey boardwalks so I like it.  My day isn't quite over yet but for the rest of it I intend to read some more Oliver and maybe play some SNES games on the Wii.  I'll end this with another cute picture of Sophie in his box.

7/15/2011

Sophie standing against the cage.

        I woke up to awful country music blaring across the hallway.  My boyfriend's brother is a 32 year old lazy good for nothing bum.  I think he may have hearing loss as he always plays the tv and stereo loud enough for the entire household and neighborhood.  It's quite obnoxious.  I did fall back to sleep and woke up to my very own 'standing cat'.  Though he was leaning against the rat cage.  He's not as skilled as the French 'standing cat'.  Sophie loves watching the rats.  When we had the smaller cage he would try to sit on top of it and watch the rats but they would scare him away by nibbling at his feet.  Was always fun to watch him try to stay on top of the cage.

Molly

   I wasn't feeling so great so I spent a great deal of the day sleeping or trying to.  When I was awake I watched my boyfriend play Oblivion on his 360 and petted the cats.  I have three cats: a thirteen year old, black, short-haired male named Hikage; a two year old, black, short-haired male named Sophie; a three or four year old, fat, classic grey tabby named Molly.  They're all super friendly and adorable. 
    

Hikage

Sophie-chan

         I wanted to post this yesterday but the latest Windows Security Update was causing my laptop to blue-screen right after it fully booted up.  So I didn't feel up to messing around with it and just continued to watch Jeremy play Oblivion.  I eventual got to play Mario Bros. 3 and played some Sim City as well for a bit.   Molly kept trying to climb into Jeremy's shirt.  It was cute so I took a picture.  That's all for this post.
      
 

Molly being weird.

     

7/14/2011

        A day we got to leave the house for a few hours.  I typically don't leave the house much at all, not that I don't want to leave the house but because my current mode of transportation is out of date.  I moved here, Modesto, Ca, a little over two months ago from Exton, PA.  My poor car's inspection expired last month and I'm having some issues with the DMV and getting my new license and my car registered.  So until I have the money to get that all figured out I'm primarily stuck in the house.  But we were able to borrow my boyfriend's mother's van for a few hours. 

New rat cage for Squeakers and Snaggletooth.

 

 

         We browsed around Gamestop for a bit, didn't purchase anything.  We had originally intended to just go to PetCo but got sidetracked.  Then we went to PetCo for a bigger rat cage, we have two rats both are pretty large, we agree that they look around two years of age.  Both are female.  One is named Squeakers and the other is Snaggletooth, beacuase her teeth were really long when we bought her.  So we bought a new rat cage it's 32in. high and has three levels to replace our 14in. high small rat cage.  We're planning to buy a wheel for them too.  Hopefully they like it.  ^.^  

 

 

        Being that we rarely get out of the house for long periods of time, I didn't want to go home after we acquired what we set out to get, I talked my boyfriend into going to the mall to wander FYE and to buy more purple hair dye from Hot Topic.  They didn't have my preferred Raw brand Deep Purple, so unfortunately I have to try Manic Panic Violet..  When I first started dying my hair colorfully I tried Manic and they failed miserably.  So I was only using Special Effects brand until Hot Topic stopped carrying it...  Lame...  

 

 

        Since I had accidentally forgotten my phone in my friend's car in Pennsylvania when I visited my family and friends for a week in June, I needed a new cell charm.  I miss my Gokuh one a lot.  But I guess I'll have to wait till I visit again to get it back.  So I went to the Sanrio store in the mall and got a cute turtle charm.

 

 

        All I have left to say is during my second trip to the mall I finally noticed that the mall here has real palm trees inside it.  Being from Pennsylvania, I never saw real palm trees anywhere.  But they're sporadically placed around the town/city and all over the inside of the mall.  Which is neat.