8/09

        Jeremy and I were picking up medicine for his mom at Walgreen's and we found a baby penguin pillow pet for my large penguin pillow pet.  It's so cute that I had to get it.  Then we went to Winco to get ingredients for making chili.  I had planned to use my ground beef to make my sister's delicious version of shepherd's pie, but decided I wanted chili.  I hadn't made it in a long time.  It turned out really well though.  After cutting the habanero I stupidly itched the bridge of my nose, I figured it wasn't my eyes so it should be okay...  I was entirely wrong.  My eyes watered and the oils from the pepper went right into my left eye.  I don't think I've ever felt pain like that before.  The kitchen sink here is ghetto.  The faucet itself doesn't work, but the sprayer does.  It stings to spray your open eye with that alone, add the pepper oil and it's almost sickeningly painful.  I finally thought up the idea of filling a bowl with water and just soaking my whole face.  After a long time, almost a half hour, of dunking my head over and over, it finally stopped burning.  I found out something of interest though, if you keep your eye closed and just wish for it to go away you can cause permanent damage to your vision.  Luckily, after the initial shock, I started rinsing it out.  I had never experienced that before.  I'm usually pretty good about not itching my face while cutting hot peppers.  Annoying thing is before I started chopping I had contemplated putting on some vinyl gloves to prevent such an incident.  Needless to say, I put them on after that ordeal.

 This adorable creature almost gave me a heart attack earlier.  I had booted up this laptop and while I was closing some unnecessary programs, I happened to glance over just as Molly bit completely into my laptop charger, which is always plugged in due to poor battery life.  As she did that my computer completely lost all power and would not turn back on.  The only thing I could think of was that she shorted my laptop and that I was screwed.  There is no room for us to hook up a desktop anywhere in this hoarder's house.  After twenty minutes of crying and venting to my sister and father, still trying to turn it back on all the while, I thought to take out the battery and try starting it up.  It worked!  So I tried putting the battery back in and it's been running fine since.  I can typically deal without having a computer and internet.  But this place is very confining and incredibly boring.  I would be stuck watching Jeremy play video games all day, and I really don't have much fun doing that.

        I just downloaded a grammar checker because I'm a bit self conscious about my grammar usage, but it doesn't seem to be working.  Lame.  Growing up, I had switched schools very often and too often it was the same material I had been taught in English before.  Almost every school I attended only focused on vocabulary and spelling.  And all the schools had used the same vocabulary books.  So I often had to study the same exact book every year.  It was quite tedious.  And it made me fail the English part of the entrance exam at the community college.  I ended up having to take the remedial English class that didn't count for any credits.  I would have finished it that semester and been able to move on.  But I had to withdraw from school in the last few weeks due to horrible personal problems.  I was unintentionally pushed into going back to college the next semester but I could barely get up to go to class, or for anything.  I'm mostly over it now but once in a while, when I get too stressed, I relapse into not being able to do much of anything. 

        Enough of that, I haven't really done much yet today.  I washed and dried a few loads of laundry, did the dishes, watched a few episodes of 1000 Ways to Die.  I probably won't be leaving my room for a few more hours, when I have to cook dinner, being that there are the two idiots I wish to never see or hear.  My stress level has gone down rapidly since focusing more energy into ignoring their presence.  I had been literally, steadily going blind in both eyes for the past week or so.  I had gone to the hospital when it happened before.  They said it was caused by stress after a week of studying me.  It was quite awful.  Back then it was just a large black dot in my right eye.  This time it's in both eyes and it's several large dots in my right eye's line of sight and just one dot in the center.  They were completely black dots, but since my focusing on not stressing out, the dots have faded into a light fuzzy gray I can actually see through.  It is a little blurry but it is more manageable than it was the past week.  I was getting so irritable and snappy at Jeremy for no reason but my annoyance that I had let the others upset me to the point of going blind again.  I feel that in a few days the dots will be completely gone.  I just need to keep focusing on keeping my anger and thoughts in line.  I've actually been feeling pretty good lately, other than the vision.  I've also started taking fish oil, hoping that will help somehow.  I read that it helps regain brain function.  I have such a horrible memory.  I have this blog that I'm trying to update often mostly because of that.  If I don't update it often I literally can't remember half of what I had done the few days before.  I've also been wanting to get blueberries.  I had read another article about their properties of helping regain brain function as well.  It doesn't matter how active I keep my brain with reading and puzzle games, it still won't work how I want it to.  I'm trying to think of another way we could set up the bedroom so I could hook up my beloved Dance Dance Revolution so I can be more active in that way.  The streets around here are littered with homeless, junkies, and just people I don't want to walk past.  If it wasn't so annoying and gross just to drive down the street with all of that to view I would be fine with walking around the neighborhood.  But I'm not even comfortable leaving my room.  So that won't be happening anytime soon.